When the kids are afriad: Self Defense is listening to kids: reposted by request

[MeLisa Turcott Strongheart]

When the kids are afraid? Self Defense is listening to kids.

*originally Posted by MeLisa Turcott Strongheart on February 5, 2010 at 3:30pm


Today there was an incident which involved the police and resulted in the kids at IMS and Island Park to go into the "lockdown" mode.

When something like this happens the kids come in and immediately talk about it. They are in a sense "traumatized" . Please don't misunderstand me; on a scale of 1-10 this probably wouldn't rate very high. However, in my experience they are affected, and need a little help working through what happened.

For some kids, this incident will roll off their backs. Others, will be upset. So far today I have talked to two kids about it, and
anticipate that many more will talk about it as they arrive. Of the two that initiated talking about it: One reported being terrified, and was visibly upset
despite it having happened quite some time ago (probably about a 6 on the scale). The other kid didn't
seen troubled at all (probably a 1).

Either way: Here are my suggestions to drop that impact rating (1-10) down if needed:

1. Ask them open ended questions, such as "What was the lockdown like at school today?" and follow up with more open ended questions such as: where were you, what were the kids in class doing, how did you feel about it, what did your teacher/school tell you happened. etc

In my experience, just having the opportunity to have a safe, open conversation to hash through what happened is pretty much the thing which helps the child find resolution.

It is in the story itself, or retelling it, drawing it. This is how kids come to "understand" or "master" their experience through telling the story.

2. Validate the feelings. for example saying something like: child says: "I was really afraid because the guy had a weapon", you can say: "Wow, the guy had a weapon, and it sounds like you were really afraid about that." resist "shooing" the fear away. note it, and move on. neither emphasize or deny.

3. After listening, asking questions, and making sure the child has fully expressed their experience giving them feedback about the real processes, and people who were and are protecting them. For example: "isn't it great that the school is very so good at making sure you all are safe. They are prepared and ready." " The police were acting quickly to keep everything safe. We are fortunate to live in a community where so many people are here to protect all of us." that sort of thing

So, we will be working with the kids here if they bring it up on this process too. As always we try to address topics that arise in the kids lives in a positive and helpful manner. Please let me know if there are theme's in the school/community that we could help with. For instance last year when there was bullying going on at one of the elementary schools we immediately worked with the kids to empower them to actively work to bring more peace in the schools. We can do anger management work, bully prevention, communication skills, safety trainings--- it is our mission to make a difference not only in the dojang, but in the world.

Have a fun and safe weekend!

MeLisa Turcott Strongheart
5th Dan Master Instructor
M.A. Psychology--- former counselor for youth, and children
Currently: positive psychology coach